Being A Parent is fun but tough

Like I said Ryan's friend Banta in town for only a week. So since he has been in town Ryan has been trying to hang out with him a lot. We have had such a hectic week. People have been over at the house since Sunday, plus our beach trip. So, I think it is a lot for Kale to handle. Last night the Chavies, Amy, and Banta came over to eat dinner. I tried to put Kale down at about nine because he looked exhausted. Well he would fall asleep and wake up and was just fussy on and off he would get really worked up. I held him in my arms and he finally went to sleep and I put him in his bed and he fell asleep. I just felt so bad for him. I think all the people at the house has just been a little too much on him. I mean he is only 8 weeks old so that is a lot to deal with. Last night I told Ryan that was enough, I didn't want anymore people at the house I wanted us to have a family break because it was starting to take a toll on our son and he is the most important thing in our lives. He is number one. Ryan agreed with me. It is just tough being a parent it is so rewarding don't get me wrong. I love when he talks to me and he smiles and every little new movement or milestone he makes it just melts my heart. The way he looks at me I can tell he has so much love for us. However, sometimes you want to hang out with your friends you want some you time but as I thought about it last night this little boy is number one and I want what is best for him. He finally fell alseep for good probably around 11 and he slept until six this morning. ALL NIGHT. I was super proud of him and excited too, but I am still exhausted. I have not been going to bed early because I am a host and I don't want to just say sorry company I am going to bed and leave Ryan to be the host. Last night I was so glad when Amy and Krista said they were tired and left, because that meant with only the guys left here I could go to bed too and wouldn't feel rude. I mean I don't have to keep the guys company Ryan can do that. This morning though I was still exhausted doing all that we have done this week has taken a toll on my body so I know my poor son is probably exhausted as well. He hasn't been napping all that well today either. Like I said earlier he fights sleep. I held him in my arms and he finally went down hopefully he will get a good nap in. But it took forever for me to get him to sleep.

Well Ryan and I finally talked to Ivy today and I think I have talked about this in an earlier post but Ivy and I used to be super close and since Kale has been born we kind of drifted. I went to hang out with her the other night and she spoke two words to me and that was it. It was really akward, I mean having a bestfriend and things are akward just isn't good. Well we talked about it the other day and kind of semi-worked things out. I mean once I thought about it, it isn't only her fault that we haven't talked I mean I haven't been calling her either so I can't pin point all the problems on her. She had invited us the other night when we were trying to work things out on the internet, she invited us to go out to eat tonight mexican with her and some people. So today I texted her and asked if they were still going. I don't want her to put fourth effort and Ryan and I reject everything she asks us to do. I mean we already couldn't go out to dinner for her birthday, which I felt really bad about. So I asked her the times and everything and told her we would be there. However, now I am starting to second guess it. I mean why go out to eat when you are going to be miserable the whole time because your son is exhausted and just needs some rest. I mean he is number one in my life and his best interests should come first and if she is really my friend she will understand right? I just don't know what to do. Like I said with things being as weird as they have been I don't want to cancel. I just don't know though. I think I am going to see how Kale is when he wakes up from his nap and if he is good and seems happy then maybe we can go grab a bite to eat and then hit the road once we are done. I am not sure if they are going up there just to eat or to booze and then go to Cuz's which we definitely won't do!

This is when the whole parenting thing gets hard. If there is one thing that I have come to realize is your life changes. I mean this little being comes first and if your life doesn't completely change and your child is not number one then something is seriously wrong and you are not parenting like you should be. I don't mind the change but I guess my biggest thing is I don't want to lose friends in the process, but it is like Ryan said if people can't understand then they aren't your friends to begin with and I really can't agree more!

I know everything will also get a lot easier on me once Ryan heals up from his back surgery which has been a very long process. I mean he can't really get up with Kale and help out that much because of his back. So alot of times I feel like a single parent. While he gets all this sleep I am the one who has to get up with our son. When I am so stressed out and feel like I am going to scream I can't be like ok dad step in because he does as much as he can. Don't get me wrong he has been a big help this past week but he still like I said can only really help out when his back is feeling good, which is only sometimes and another thing is a lot of the time I don't ask him for help because I don't want him to mess up the whole healing process. We only have a couple more weeks of this and it will be better and I really can't wait. I know Ryan can't either because he hasn't been able to be the active parent that he wants to be since Kale has been born. So 9 weeks later probably or maybe ten I will know what it is like to have the full blown help of a husband and a father. However, I love spending time with Kale I like boding with him which we have definitely done because I am the one who spends a lot of time with him that part is really nice!