Mini-Breakdown

So the other day I had a mini-breakdown. I really haven't had a serious break down since Kale was born. However, with him being sick and me being emotional because "George" is in town I had my first one. It has been so hard because since Kale has been born I have been a single parent really. Ryan's back started bothering him right before Kale was born. I can remember the night it started I was having really bad braxton hicks and I started bawling my eyes out thinking I was going into labor and he was in so much pain and he said that he didn't know what he would do if I went into labor that he wouldn't be able to help out as much and I started freaking out.

Well with Kale being sick he has been a lot more fussy and Ryan's back has been bothering him the past couple of days and so he hasn't been able to help well the other day I just lost it. I was so exhausted I just started crying. Ryan asked me what was wrong and I told him it was so hard and he said your mom told you it was going to be and I told him no, not being a mom or even a parent that is easy I never thought that being a mom would come so naturally for me. I know this sounds conceded but I am an awesome mom. I especially know I am when my son looks at me and the way he looks at me. It is not just me who sees it either everyone does. The doctor today was freaking out because Kale was just staring at me and he couldn't even check him out because Kale was just staring. He was like geeze he is definitely a mama's boy, he really loves you. I loved hearing that. He finally had to turn his head and hold it in place so he wouldn't turn his head. It was the cutest thing ever and just made me feel so good inside. I know I got way off subject, but what is hard is since Kale has been born really I have had to do everything by myself. I mean I am seriously like a single parent. I know what a single parent feels like and I can definitely tell you that it is tough work. I mean Ryan doesn't get up with Kale at all during the night I do. Even when he was little and not sleeping through the night. He is finally sleeping through the night and will sleep until 6 or 7 in the morning which is great and I am so proud of him. Sometimes though every mom needs a break or some her time. I don't get that. Just lately has Ryan actually been able to hold Kale and even then it is only sometimes. So it just got over whelming that day because he had stayed up the whole night before sick and I only had gotten two hours of sleep so I just lost it and started crying in Ryan's arms. I know he feels really bad but it just sucks. I really can't wait for his back to get better so I can have help and can have those breaks. After my breakdown he did let me go to the movies with two of my friends which was really nice. It was nice to be away for a little bit and have some me time and just enjoy myself. It has been so long. I am not trying to complain because my son is my everything. I never knew I could love something so much. He is the best thing ever. But everyone gets over whelmed and has just had it up to their ears and just needs a break. I am just glad I finally got one and since then I have felt so much better things haven't been as rough.